


All The Reasons Why

by piper__b



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buck loves Chris with his entire being, Bucks an idiot in love, Christopher is a bean, Hospitals, Kinda, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, No beta:we die like men, bombing accident, buck blaming himself for something he shouldnt, episode coda, he marks each time he falls in love with each of the Diaz boys, lawsuit, so let me know, takes place after 3x15: Eddie Begins, there might be more that i cant think of, tsunami accident, two idiots in love, we all love him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:35:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24327379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piper__b/pseuds/piper__b
Summary: Buck had figured out that he wanted to be more to the Diaz boys on many occasions. The very first time had been the days of the earthquake. Watching the utter panic and pain on Eddie's face as he tried to make sure his son was alright was what kicked it off.OR;All the times Buck realized he loved the Diaz boys.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Firehouse 118 Crew, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 182





	All The Reasons Why

**Author's Note:**

> Be aware, I started this after midnight so it might not be the best, so sorry!

Buck had figured out that he wanted to be more to the Diaz boys on many occasions. The very first time had been the days of the earthquake. Watching the utter panic and pain on Eddie's face as he tried to make sure his son was alright was what kicked it off.

In all his years growing up, he had never once seen that look on his parents face. Not once. Not when he disappeared for three weeks after a particularly hard semester of highschool. Not even when Buck had told him that he was moving away to somewhere not nearby.

His parents just hadn't cared. They had just been making sure he was going live until he was eighteen (because murder is illegal and so is child abuse. They didn't want that to tarnish them). They always made sure he had the bare minimum to survive.

Most of the time it was his sister that gave him that look. Yes, Buck was thankful for his sister, but it wasnt the same as a parental love. No matter how much she gave him, there was always a hole where he wanted parents.

Seeing that look on Eddie's face told him that Eddie was trying, that he really truly cared for this kid and Buck wanted to be apart of that, especially after seeing a picture of the little guy. 

The next time Buck realized this, it was the same day, just after their shift. He offered Eddie a ride to pick up Christopher and Eddie complied. Buck drove to Christopher's school and sat in his Jeep as Eddie jumped out and all but sprinted for the doors.

Watching the two embrace and hold each other (to the best of Christopher's ability) made Buck's heart ache in all the right ways. It made him feel a certain way to know that he had been mads to be here, to witness this family moment, that he had been important enough to be worthy of being here for them.

When Buck actually met Christopher that night, the boy was a ray of sunshine. He was smiling as him and Buck talked. Eddie just kept his fond gaze on the small boy as the two talked and talked on their way home..

Eddie had thanked him, then Christopher did before they hopped out of the Jeep and went inside. Buck drove back to Abby's apartment in silence, thinking about that night. He felt good, he felt wanted, I guess is the word. Buck felt wanted with those two boys and he knew he wanted to feel that again, no matter who said what, or what anyone did. Those two had become something more than just a co-worker and his kid. They became another thing for Buck.

After that, everything just kind of blurred together for Buck. He remembers the things they did, the night he spent with the boys, but nothing really seemed worthy of his time and piece of mind, until the bombing.

When that ladder truck fell over onto Buck's leg, he could only think of once thing in that moment. Eddie. Eddie, the man who decided to become his right hand man, the man who decided that "I'll have your back anyday", the man who Buck had truly fallen for.

He was hoping that the man was okay. He didn't want Eddie hurt, or anyone really, but Buck was thinking of Christopher, how he would deal with Eddie being hurt, let alone himself being hurt. That was all that Buck had on his mind and his palms splayed across the asphalt, feeling the broken glass, the shards digging into his skin, feeling the blood, the puddle surrounding him scaring him more than he'd like to admit.

The lights, oh god, the lights. They were so bright and blinding that Buck couldn't see, even if his vision was already blurred from contact. The lights were flashing and he could only get glimpses of the people around his body currently. 

The pain was next. It was everywhere. In his head, his eyes, his ears, his face, his arms, shoulders, legs -- his leg. It was stuck under the ladder truck. He had just realized this know and tried to look back, but the pain in his ribs stopped him from doing so as his breath became labored around him. He was acutely aware of the fact that his leg was demolished. 

You can't just have a ladder truck explode, land on you and say 'hey! I'm doing good' as you stand and walk it off. 

Buck was in so much pain. It wasnt until he heard the soothing voice of Eddie's that it pulled back, that it receded for a moment. He was speaking, but his ears were ringing too loudly from the explosion. Hands were all over, there was pain, then there was nothing. Eddie was next to him, trying to keep his eyes open.

The last thing Buck saw before he passed out was that panicked, pained look Eddie had made that day on the way to the hotel after the earthquake. If he had stayed conscious a little longer just to soak in the feeling of being wanted again, well, nobody but us needs to know that.

The next time Buck's view changed, or really grew, was when Christopher asked him to come over Friday nights. Christopher wanted him to come over for movies friday nights as it gave him an escape, and really, gave a giant smile on the kid's face.

Buck remembers one night clearly though. He had just got his cast removed and was told to take it slowly for the time being. Buck was happy to not have such a big, clunky mess on his leg anymore.

When he got to the Diaz house, Chris ushered him to the couch, where he promptly sat down. The small boy climbed into his lap and laid down against his chest, head turned towards the TV. Eddie soon joined them on the couch.

Buck was going to move his legs and adjust him and Chris, when Eddie just held up a hand. He lifted Buck's legs and sat down, draping said legs over his lap. All throughout the movie, Eddie was rubbing Buck's legs with his thumbs, especially his left one, and Buck was having a hard time staying awake. His left leg had been in a cast for so long that the senors in his nerves were on overdrive.

His skin was the most sensitive that it had been in years. Every light touch, every swipe of Eddie's thumb was so soothing that Buck was almost asleep. And not to mention the rumbling on his chest from Chris' light snores himself. 

All of it felt so unreal to Buck. Again, that feeling of being wanted, the feeling that he belongs was everywhere around him. Buck had fallen asleep on Eddie's couch before and this time was no different. He knew his back was going to be in worse shape than his leg had been in just a few months before.

When Buck woke though, he was met with Christopher's curls in his mouth and Eddie's warm arm around his legs. His eyes fluttered open after a minute. He looked at the couch and saw Eddie was slumped against the back of the couch while Chris was still soundly sleeping against his chest.

Buck smiled and closed his eyes again just basking in the warmth. Then Eddie was up next, looking over at Buck. The younger smiled and Eddie smiled back, starting the circles over his leg again.

"How is it?'" Eddie asked, rubbing his leg a little more. Buck barely missed the rough course in Eddie's voice from sleep, but when he caught it, he stored it away in his mind forever.

"Better," Buck mumbled as he shifted slightly. "Still got aches and pains, but it's a lot better without the cast." Eddie nodded and let his hands slowly rub over his shin and knee, tracing the stitch and skin scars littering the pale skin. 

Buck didn't like looking at his leg joe because it showed the pain he had brought upon his family.

"Hey, whatever is goin' on in that brain of yours, stop it. Don't listen to it." Buck nodded, looking back at the sleeping boy on his chest. Chris was slowly stirring and seemed to be happy when he found out he was still laying atop Buck and not in his bed.

Chris begged Buck for chocolate chip pancakes and who was Buck to deny the puppy dog eyes of this small boy? 

So, he made pancakes for the three of them. After Eddie sent Chris to get dressed for the day, Eddie walked to Buck and hugged the younger.

"Thank you, Buck," Eddie whispered and the man smiled, pulling Eddie close and smiling.

"You're welcome, Eds." They spent the rest of the day together, just hanging out and being the goofy Buckley-Diaz family that they are.

The tsunami was what really put Buck through a loop. He and Chris had been in the thick of it. He had lost the damn kid too. Buck had been panicked the entire day, searching for Christopher. The blood thinners were making the cut on his arm bleed out more than usual.

But Buck ignored himself. He kept searching for Chris. That day had started normal, Eddie drug him from his bed, he forced Buck out with Chris then left for work. Bick and Chris went out and started at the fair on the pier. Buck and Chris had spent the morning winning prizes and taking pictures that he would keep cherished for the rest of his life. They had been sitting down, taking a rest for a bit. Buck had never felt so good in than time being. Chris was such an amazing kid and the fact that Buck was allowed to take care of this kid, to cherish him? Well, he had never felt better. 

Then Chris asked those dreaded words that would haunt Buck for years to come.

'Where'd all the water go?'

Those simple words are what sent Buck into overdrive-firefighter stance and he all but tore Chris from the edge and started running, yelling at others to run away too. 

He got Chris in a booth when the wave hit him. He pulled up and pushed under, the breath being sucked from his lungs with each wave after another.

When Buck broke through the water and heard the cries of his name from Christopher, well, his heart broke into a thousand pieces. He swam and swam until he finally got him and Chris up onto a firetruck where they could safely sit. 

It wasn't until later that Buck had really fucked up. He had tried to play hero and save other people that were coming, to help the others that he hadn't been paying attention to the one that matter to him the most.

Chris had fell over the railing of the truck and Buck had been crushed. He yelled his name and jumped in after him, bobbing in the water as he tried to find the mess of curls that he adored so fucking much. But they disappeared before he could get any closer and Buck just about fucking drowned himself then.

He kept searching and asking people if they had sense the small boy. What really killed Buck was when he found Christopher's glasses in a mess. His heart shattered and Buck just about collasped before he wrapped them around his neck.

He kept calling for the boy late into the night and it wasnt until he saw Eddie that he really felt terrible. He had a makeshift bandage over the cut on his arm, but it still bleed out some.

When Eddie confronted him and asked him where Chris was. Buck started ranting about how he was sorry and he didn't mean too and it was his fault that Chris is gone when Eddie looked over his shoulder.

He pushed past Buck and grabbed the boy, realizing it was Chris. Buck all but fell to the ground, Hen and Chimney barely grabbing him befor ehe hit the ground. They were talking to him, but the panting he was doing along with the relief of seeing Chris washed over him and he didn't care about what the other's were saying. He was just focusing in on the two Diaz boys holding each other closely. 

For weeks after, Buck was practically showering in shame and guilt at the fact that he had lost the one thing that matter most to Eddie 

Everyone tried to tell him that wasn't the problem, that it was okay because Tsunami's happen and are unpredictable. But Buck still blamed himself every minute of everyday. Then,when Eddie came over to drop off Chris, wrapped his hand around his shoulder and told Buck;

'Buck, there's nobody in this world that I trust with my son more than you.'

Buck had felt the same feelings he always did with Eddie, just they became larger, they grew inside of Buck and were more apparent as every day passed by. The lawsuit just made them really come out. 

He had really put a strain on everybody with that stupid decision. Buck hadn't meant too, he just wanted his family back with him. Outside of work, he only saw Chris every now and then, and even at that, he still went home to an empty apartment with himself. 

He felt wanted, again with this, yes, with the team at the 118. He wanted to be around those that made him feel happy, that made him feel as if he wouldn't just walka way and nobody would notice.

He considered that too, actually. After the whole lawsuit was dropped and nobody was still not talking to him. He actually did, he left California for about three days. He drove out of Cali and around Nevada for a while before returning. His phone had been off the entire time as nobody would talk to him anyway. 

He arrived back and then started at the firehouse. He had missed everyone and didn't want to do that again, but in a way, it was refreshing. 

Eddie, Hen, and Chimney's words rang through his head on a daily basis. Especially Eddie's 'you're exhausting' message in the grocery store. 

When Buck got Eddie to talk to him and even hug him, his body and mind were able to relax that night. The night that Eddie and Christopher came over and they were talking in Buck's kitchen. Buck definitely was pulling a few Buck 1.0 moves that night and where that got him? Getting his ass beat by Eddie in a video game.

He faked a pout when Chris cheered for his dad. Buck felt at ease when he had both of his two boys with him. The Diaz family is where Buck belonged, at least that's what he thought.

Another defined moment for Buck was when Chris wanted to skateboard. Buck saw how down the boy was when he couldn't be like the other kids and wanted to skateboard. So, Buck took it into his own hands. 

He created a skateboard for Chris. The boy absolutely loved it and that night, when Chris thanked Buck with a giant hug and a sloppy kiss to the cheek, Buck had felt so amazing and felt all warm and fuzzy on the inside. 

He had returned the hug and an equally sloppy kiss that had Chris giggling all over again. Buck tucked Christopher into bed before following Eddie to the living room.

"Thanks again, Buck. Chris had so much fun today. I cant thank you enough," Eddie told him as Buck was collecting his things to get ready to go home.

"Of course, Eddie. Just want the little man to be happy, y'know?" He asked and Eddie nodded, patting his arm.

"Anyway, see you at work tomorrow," Buck said as he walked to the door.

"Stay safe," Eddie replied as Buck walked out the door. Too many times had Buck almost be caught in the middle of traffic on the way home. Then came the call with the kid stuck in a drain pipe. When Buck heard the explosion then open his eyes and saw the hole was gone, his heart plummeted and he felt the same as the day in the grocery store. 

He ran forward and dropped to his knees, clawing at the muddy ground. 

"EDDIE?!" he screamed into the air, trying to get the man out. Bobby had him by the shoulders and pulling him away as Buck started to sob. No. No, he wasnt losing Eddie, not today. 

After that had been blurry except when he saw the looks on the others on the team. They all thought Eddie was already dead. They all thought Eddie was crushed beneath pounds and pounds of mud and wet earth. It truly put Buck's feelings for Eddie ahead of everything else in his body.

Everything became blurry again until he heard panting and a call out from somebody. Eddie came out from the crowd of firefighters and Buck had wanted to collaspe and cry all over again. 

Eddie was here, he was alive. So, Buck did what Buck does, he ran over Eddie and wrapped an arm around him, holding the man up as he laughed in joy at seeing Eddie alive. Bobby was on the other side of Eddie as they talked, but Buck didn't hear it because e was too busy looking at Eddie.

When all that mud came down atop him, Buck realized that time moves too quickly and people leave earlier than you think. Today he almost lost the love of his life.

He was not ready for that.

So, he vowed to stay by Eddie's side for as long as he could that night. He didn't want to leave him behind in case he disappeared in the morning and Eddie wasnt there anymore. 

"Buck, you've been clinging to me since I fought my way out form under 40 feet of mud, what's goin' on?" Eddie asked when Buck refused to go home for the fifth time since Eddie arrived in the hospital. Buck sucked in a breath as his eyes closed tightly.

"I'm sorry, I just, when the mud fell down atop you, I...I got so scared, Eddie." Buck opened his eyes, but didnt look at the man in the bed.

"Buck..." Eddie reached out for Buck's hand and grabbed it, holding it close.

"Eddie, I need you, more than you think and seeing you disappear, it hurt me, a lot. I was so scared that I had lost you for good this time and I cant." Buck still wouldnt make eye contact with Eddie for fear it might give away his true meaning behind what's hes saying, not just in a best friend way. 

"Evan...what're you trying to say?" Eddie asked and Buck turned towards him, tears threatening his eyes.

"I'm saying I love you, Eddie, and I can't lose you." The two went into a staring contest after Buck exposed himself. They were almost challenging each other.

"I love you too," Eddie whispered after a moment and Buck rolled his eyes.

"Not like I do." Eddie just furrowed his brows.

"Buck, I want you by my side when I wake up in the morning, I want you to have dinner with me and Chris, I want to come home and see you playing with Christopher, I want you, in my life." Buck's eyes turned hopeful as he gazed at Eddie.

"I want that too," Buck whispered, clutching Eddie's hand close to his own.

"Then that's what were going to do. You and I. Together." Eddie lofted their hands and kissed Buck's, smiling at the younger man. Buck smiled back, and leaned closer, being able to lay his head on Eddie's shoulder. Eddie kissed his head and they sat their, together, just in silence because this is what Buck wanted. He wanted to feel close to Eddie, he wanted to feel wanted by him.

And how he was and he wouslnt trade that for the world.


End file.
